What Guest Lecturing at NC State Taught Me About My Perceived Limitations...
And, three big rocks I shared with the class about creating horror & crime noir mash-ups
TWO amazing opportunities arrived in my inbox in January 2025 from author Sara E. Johnson. The first request was a newsletter interview. I love a good newsletter, Sara’s is very engaging, so it was an easy YES. Check out the interview (and my reading list) here.
Sara’s second ask was more prickly…
I am teaching a late spring NC State OLLI class called Exploring Mysteries. On June 4th, I will be talking about the horror genre. I would love to have you as a guest speaker for part of the class - maybe 20-30 minutes.
This is where my perceived limitations started to kick in. As a devout introvert, speaking in front of 50 people strikes terror in my soul. And I write horror, so that’s saying a lot.
Here are the three perceived limits I broke through and three big rocks I shared with the class:
Perceived Limit #1: Lack of expertise
My first reflex was to say, NO! There has to be someone with a best-selling book or a million social media followers who can do this. I’m a nobody. What could I possibly have to say that would resonate with this classroom?
Naturally, I didn’t recognize being a Sisters in Crime Eleanor Taylor Bland Award winner, a finalist for both Killer Shorts Screenplay and Claymore Award, among other accolades, made me more than qualified to talk for 20 minutes.
However, I DO recognize that no one is an expert in writing. If you continue to read and write, you should always be learning. That is the point of the class, right?
Big Rock #1 from my discussion:
There are no heroes in crime noir—just flawed people making bad choices sometimes for the right reasons. Those characters are definitely not experts at being good human beings. Dysfunction and moral ambiguity can be compelling when applied to a character, but it should NOT be their only character trait. Flawed means they should also have wants, needs, and some humanity.
Perceived Limit #2: Inability to manage social anxiety
Sometimes I get weird nervous tics when I feel socially out of my depth. The internal talk track of overanalyzing everything in that moment. Typical anxiety manifestations. It’s awful but…
After doing 10 public readings in 2023 and 7 readings and workshops in 2024, I know I can successfully get through it if I prepare and practice. And, of course, treat myself to a glass of wine on the other side!
Big Rock #2 from my discussion:
Tension and suspense build dread and unease. Both are elements of horror and crime noir. That is why, sometimes, a good thriller like Seven or The Silence of the Lambs can also be considered part of the horror genre. Think about how anxiety can build tension and suspense.
Perceived Limit #3: Fear of freezing up
When fear grabs hold of me, my heart races, I lose my words, and generally feel like an enormous spotlight is on me in the worst way possible. The fear can feel overwhelming in my head.
Having said that, I have NEVER frozen up while doing a presentation or workshop. It’s simply the idea that it could happen that brings on the fear.
I use thoughtful meditation and prayer time to calm myself before presenting or reading to an audience. And wine. I think I mentioned that before, but yes, wine.
Big Rock #3 from my discussion:
Fear is a central emotion in horror, often tied to death, the unknown, or the loss of control. That sounds like my thoughts on public speaking! Fear of being exposed is a strong motive for many crimes, so let the fear drive the narrative in both horror and crime noir.
Well...I must have done something right because I’m invited to deliver the same presentation at Duke University in the fall!!
Does public speaking scare (or scar) you? How do you power through the emotions and anxiety?
P.M. Raymond
Writer of horror and crime noir. Observer of the world
After years of teaching, I no longer have any anxiety about public speaking. But that doesn’t mean I don’t experience imposter syndrome about being the right speaker on a subject. Congratulations to you for coming out on the other side intact and I bet the students were delighted with your presentation.